The Bachelorette: “Season 12 Premiere: Week 1”

The Bachelorette: “Season 12 Premiere: Week 1”

A recap and review of The Bachelorette: “Season 12 Premiere: Week 1”

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(screenshots courtesy of abc.com)

In the words of JoJo…..”Bring on the MEN!”……yeah definitely not my words

But first, JoJo confronts the Dothraki wives of the past kings…..oh shit this isn’t Game of Thrones

Ali is so excited for JoJo…..yeah excited to roast her on her own Bachelorette blog:

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Limo Introductions:

Alex

Grade: B-

Comment: His greeting and vibe were good, but nothing he did stood out.

Ali

Grade: B+

Comment: Don’t you just want to put him in your pocket?!?!?!?!

Brandon

Grade: D

Comment: I’m thinking he took a wrong turn and was supposed to be on Survivor: Hipsters

Chad

Grade: D+

Comment: Wow….you could not have matched my prediction for you any better Chad.  Chad likes himself some Chad.

Chase

Grade: B-

Comment: Well he had a prop….but his mustache joke went way over my head

Christian

Grade: A-

Comment: The motorcycle definitely got her attention.  Plus it was kind of funny how JoJo says “bad boy” and then he’s all sweet and nice when he meets her

Coley

Grade: B-

Comment: Comfortable with himself….I mean you’d have to be to tell that real estate joke.

Daniel

Grade: D

Comment: Yes let’s discuss where each of you are from.  Did you not practice your greeting even once?

Derek

Grade: B+

Comment: A little nervous, but overall a good first showing.

Evan

Grade: C-

Comment: “God Bless America”….nah that doesn’t sound desperate

Grant

Grade: C+

Comment: Nothing memorable about it and his joke about not going to be like Ben and fall in love with two women…..meh

Jake

Grade: ???

Comment: Well since the editors of the show cut you off, I’m going to give you a……

James F.

Grade: C+

Comment: While I liked what he said about being here for a relationship and not a rose….his monotone voice put me right to sleep

James S.

Grade: ???

Comment: He’s James and….he’s nervous (freaking editors!)

James Taylor

Grade: A-

Comment: A country boy from Texas playing a country song for a girl from Texas?  Good form

Jonathan

Grade: B-

Comment: Well I guess JoJo will definitely remember you Jon, but that joke was a little below the belt 😉 ….I’ll show myself out

Jordan

Grade: A

Comment: About as perfect as you can get.  Loved the story about his parents and thank the lord he didn’t name drop his brother.

Luke

Grade: B-

Comment: I’ve always wondered what Matthew McConaughey would look like riding a unicorn

Nick B.

Grade: B-

Comment: Jo! Jo! Jo!…..I’m lame as hell so I freakin’ loved it

Nick S.

Grade: C+

Comment: It was great….until he spoke human words

Peter

Grade: C-

Comment: Who says Mary Crush Monday?

Robby

Grade: A-

Comment: Joking about her family?  Well that could’ve been a disaster, except it wasn’t and she’ll remember him.

Sal

Grade: B

Comment: Jokes about balls?…..I can dig it….jokes about blue balls?…..YES!

Vinny

Grade: B-

Comment: He seemed super nervous…..but once again….I’m lame as hell…and that toast joke killed with me

Wells

Grade: A-

Comment: All-4-One?  Hell yeah!  Also, Wells was very personable.

Will

Grade: B-

Comment: I liked the whole the fumbling of the cards and reading them out of order bit….not sure JoJo liked it as much as I did though

 

Cocktail Hour(s):

  • Did I seriously just hear “Oh my God bless America” again when JoJo walked in?

Evan_bless

  • Derek used this pick up line for the fist time ever in history: “I used to look like Harry Potter”
  • Thank you lord that Jordan came along and knows how to talk to a girl
  • First the note cards….now the paper flappy game thingy we played growing up…..Will likes paper….a lot
  • Jordan is like a man among boys so far
  • Evan wants the first impression rose….Evan will win the first impression rose when the Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl
  • When I predicted Chad as the “D-bag of the Season”, I fear that I that I didn’t go far enough with only “season”
  • Please get Daniel more alcohol!

jack nodding

  • Please get everyone more alcohol!

Daniel_Swim

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vinnydrunk

  • On second thought….maybe not
  • First impression rose time!
  • Ah dammit Evan!  You almost had it!
  • Ugh oh Jordan…..here comes the jealous hate from the other guys….oh never mind this is The Bachelorette not The Bachelor
  • Jake Pavelka is here!  I love a good forced Bachelor family cameo!
  • Can’t decide if this was more stupid or the Ben and Lauren B wedding at “After the Finale Rose”:

Alladin

Eliminated:

Coley

Sal

Peter

Nick S.

Jonathan

Jake

 

My Top 3 for JoJo:

Jordan

Is it even possible to have this perfect a start on either The Bachelor or The Bachelorette.  The guy seems like a perfect 10.  Plus JoJo, you can double date with Aaron and Olivia Munn!

Christian

Christian seemed like a guy who was down to earth and also a lot of fun.  We didn’t get a chance to see him too many times because well, he didn’t act like a complete idiot, but I liked what I saw.

Wells

Wells came off very sincere and creative in his ways of talking to JoJo.  I thought all of their interactions were good and I think Wells might be an unexpected dark horse.

Episode Thoughts:

Well, “Season 12 Premiere: Week 1” is in the books.  We got a lot men, limo shots, and way too many of those other shots.  I’m all for drunken stupors on this show, but I felt like we missed a lot of time getting to know most of the guys because Dammit Daniel had to go and do great things with alcohol.

Also….why is this show depriving me of my limo introduction grading!  You can’t montage those babies….I need every second I can get to thoroughly judge the crap out of these contestants!

In “Season 12 Premiere: Week 1” we also saw the rise of the Chad, who might supplant himself as the biggest….we’ll just go with villain…..ever.  If you watched the preview for the season, it appears violence is a frequent hobby of Chad’s as well.

As for JoJo, she did an amazing job in “Season 12 Premiere: Week 1”.  Unlike Ben’s expectations last year, JoJo was expected to do awesome and she delivered in the season premiere.  In fact, it pains me to say this, but she probably was the better choice over Caila.  Oh Caila….don’t be mad at me!!!!

Your Thoughts:

From watching the preview for the upcoming season, is Jordan as perfect as he seems?

 

If you enjoyed reading my “Man Thoughts” for Week 1, be sure to check out the Head Shot Awards where I predict what’s going to happen this season by judging the men’s head shots alone:

Sullywood’s The Bachelorette: Head Shot Awards – JoJo’s Season

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